A recovering sports columnist, tongue firmly in cheek, predicts what will happen in the wide world of sports in 2018:

The Patriots won another Super Bowl with the greatest comeback in NFL history.

The Celtics became legitimate contenders after acquiring Kyrie Irving and Gordon Hayward. The Red Sox captured their division, flamed out once again in the first round of the playoffs and fired their manager. On a national scale, Clemson triumphed in a spectacular college football national championship game, the Golden State Warriors took another step towards a dynasty and Sergio Garcia finally picked up his first major golf championship.

On a sad note, the sports world lost boxer Jake LaMotta, broadcaster Dick Enberg and the colorful college basketball coach Rollie Massimino, along with New England legends Bobby Doerr and Milt Schmidt.

What will happen in 2018? Here’s an advance preview.

In January, Alabama captures college football’s national championship, completing a season that includes 38 bowl games and three playoff contests. The NCAA then announces that it will dispense with a regular season in 2018 and play only bowl games beginning on Labor Day. New bowl games on tap include the Mar-A-Lago Fake News Bowl and the Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Oh wait, the second one already exists.

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The Winter Olympics in PyeongChang are abruptly canceled when organizers come to the realization that no one wants to visit Korea in February, or for that matter, any other time.

The New England Patriots win the Super Bowl after three Los Angeles Rams’ touchdowns are overturned on replay review when it is ruled that the receivers were down by contact before reaching the end zone, fumbled out of the back of the end zone while stretching for the pylon and in a truly tragic outcome, “failed to survive the ground.”

The Red Sox arrive for spring training filled with optimism, but then realize that Giancarlo Stanton is across the state playing for the Yankees and they’re penciling Mitch Moreland into the lineup.

Hayward returns for the NBA Finals against the Warriors in June and knocks down a 3-pointer in Game 7 to win the championship. He credits his rapid recovery from a broken ankle to working with Alex Guerrero and eating avocado ice cream.

2018 sports

In August, The NFL Players’ Association lobbies owners to allow one hour of touchdown celebrations so that players can construct elaborate stages, install lighting and sound systems and take selfies. An additional 30 minutes is requested for posting the celebrations to social media.

As training camp begins, Tom Brady says he plans on playing until he qualifies for Medicare, or until the Patriots can find a way to bring back Jimmy Garappolo.

Tiger Woods wins at the Masters in April. The par-3 tournament on Wednesday, that is. As for the actual championship, a 41-year-old Woods watches Dustin Johnson, Brooks Koepka, Rory McIlroy and Justin Thomas blast drives 50 yards past him and begins making plans for when he can play the Champions Tour.